Volunteering helps me feel connect to a place. When I lived in San Francisco, CA the British American Business Council was a big part of my life. Through volunteering at events I made personal and professional contacts that I still have to this day. When I lived in Charlottesville, VA I was very absorbed in graduate school. In an attempt to break out of the 1 mile square radius self-absorbed world I inhabited I volunteered for an annual school project called Building Goodness in April – every year they raise money to renovate 10+ homes that belong to low income families. With two friends I led a project that built a kids playground in a trailer park. The experience put my ‘I don’t want to do my homework’ troubles in perspective, led me to explore beyond ‘grounds’ and get to know the city where I lived and allowed me to meet people outside of school.
My move to Charlotte, NC last summer was one of mixed blessings. A year on I am still not in love with Charlotte as a city (a sensation that is only compounded by visits to places like Vancouver) but I have found peace with it and built a really happy life here. I have an amazing group of friends, love my job, love my neighborhood and seem to have some kind of adventure every weekend.
Service is important to my wellbeing – so I explored various volunteering opportunities in Charlotte. My passion for education still pumps hot through my veins but school based tutoring programs were problematic as my work and travel schedule is so erratic. Big Brothers Big Sisters (“BBBS”) won out as it had the most flexible schedule (spend time with your little twice a month) in a friend and mentor role. To say the application for BBBS is thorough is an understatement; an application fee, written application, in person interview, 4 reference letters and a match interview later – I had a little sister! My little sister is 9 (going on 21), is going into third grade for the second time and has 3 brothers. I’m very pleased to report that my real life little sister (the one who I love more than anyone else in the whole world) has been incredibly grown-up, supportive and non-jealous about this new addition to my life. One thing has been consistent through all the volunteering I’ve done – I do it to give back but always feel like I get more out of the experience than the people I’m helping.
Four months in my little sister and I are doing just fine. We are still feeling each other out and testing boundaries. She is a strong little girl and we do more “I’ll race you to the car” than “let’s braid each other’s hair”. She can have a challenging personality and I am the second “Big Sister” she has had (the first one didn’t make it). I have to balance getting to know her and the things 9 year olds want to do with some non-negotiables like wear a seat belt, say please and thank-you, and don’t litter. There is so much I want to do for her like teach her to swim, improve her diet, help her pass third grade, take her an aeroplane for the first time, start talking about college etc. but for now I need to just take it easy and carry on building our friendship – Rome wasn’t built in a day. Sometimes I really have to remind myself she is a child and I am an adult. She has a bazillion reasons to feel angry and part of my role is to help her release some of that anger. One of the things I’m grateful for is that I have a good relationship with her Mum. I have made an effort to get to know her Mum, I always take ten minutes to sit and chat with her and send her pictures while her daughter and I are out and about. This Thursday I plan to take the whole crew out for dinner using a voucher I won at work – this will be my first outing with the whole family and I’m really excited.
The experience has been a lot harder than I anticipated and during the lows I’ve felt frustrated, discouraged, scared, unprepared and inadequate. The balance between giving her freedom while trying to keeping her safe is excruciating. When she is in my care I see otherwise inane objects such as water, dogs, cars and humans as potential threats to her life. An episode pretty typical of our time together was this Saturday when I took her to a Charlotte Knight’s baseball game using free tickets that BBBS gave us. When we got to our seats she started pouting, making claims that she couldn’t see from so high up and that it wasn’t fair that I’d got us such bad tickets. I was in no mood for that kind of behavior and I told her that some people would do anything to just be at a baseball game (kind of a stretch seeing as it was the Charlotte Knights) and instead of realizing how lucky she was she was focusing on the one bad thing – the crappy seats (in her defense they were really crappy seats!). Then we got in a squabble because she wanted me to buy her crackerjacks but she had spent all of her money. I was feeling pretty low on the car ride back and out of the blue she asked me how I was doing with my garage door as I’d been having some trouble with it and she had been worrying all week that I wasn’t getting in. Heart. Melted. Immediately.
The best part about having a “Little Sister” is that most of the time we have a ton of fun – she brings out a playful, silly side of me that I love. In the past 4 months I’ve rediscovered the joy of screaming on a rollercoaster, whizzing around at a roller disco, playing sharks in the swimming pool, watching the Smurfs and laughing at my dance moves (“pleeeeeeeeeease stop dancing” I can hear her cry – haha). We typically hang out once a week and below are some of our best days together.
Cooking breakfast together is our favourite thing to do:
"The Intimidator" at Carrowinds theme park:
Baking competition - Apple pie vs. Blueberry muffins:
Tubing at Lake Norman:
Take me out to the ball game:
The whole crew at Chili's:
1 comment:
Melted my heart. Great post. Great insight. Great experience.
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